My husband and I started trying to conceive in 2013. We struggled with unexplained infertility for three years – and finally in the winter of 2017 a new fertility specialist diagnosed my issue – early follicle recruitment during my cycle – long story short, my cycle never aligned properly. In December of 2017 we welcomed our daughter Madeleine Grace.
Grace – to give thanks, God’s favor.
Before we were married, I was diagnosed with endometriosis – and looming in the darkest corner of my mind was the knowledge that endometriosis could inhibit conception. I had an endometrioma cyst removed in Winter of 2013 and nothing was found to alarm my gynecologist – the endometriosis was mild and everything seemed to be fine. I recovered and we went on our way. Every cycle, however, my body “malfunctioned” and I had spotting from mid-cycle through my period. Again, my gynecologist saw no cause for concern – in my heart I knew better.
We went through a year trying to conceive before I was sent to an infertility specialist, Fall of 2014. It began with a lot of baseline work, tracking my cycle, and diagnostic tests – all results normal. We had unexplained infertility. The following year I started hormone therapy (clomid cycle days 3-7, followed by progesterone suppositories second half of cycle). Monthly monitoring soon became the norm, so did my obsession scouring the internet and any scientific resource I could find. The obsession grew, particularly when every test continued to come back normal. The unexplained infertility was driving me mad. It just continued, the monitoring both in home and at the doctor office, the taking of medication every month like clockwork. Finally at the end of Summer in 2016 we did our first IUI – which failed. This then followed with our first IVF cycle – that failed too. I never even got through the monitoring phase for the IVF – and that was crushing. We took a break through the New Year, and then after starting a new job, I began seeing a different doctor. From January – March 2017 we went through our second IVF and had success.
To be frank, my pregnancy was filled with trepidation. It wasn’t until I heard by daughter cry in the delivery room did I finally have relief. I was thrilled to be pregnant, but so scared that it would all be taken away from me, from us. I never wanted to celebrate too much. It felt as though I pulled a fast one on the universe, and as long as I kept quiet and didn’t speak too loudly, it wouldn’t find out and I could keep my baby. It’s funny, because even in those first few months of bringing our daughter to the doctors I had this fear that they would see something they didn’t like and call child-protective services on us.
That is a snapshot of my walk through hell – doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Read through my posts and pages – I hope there is something you can take with you. I’m working on a book that goes further into this journey and includes the perspective of others who knew of our struggle. Sign up here to be notified when the ebook becomes available.
Thank you for reading!
